irritating and confusing

Schon wieder so lange her, seid meinem letzten Eintrag. Aber es ist nicht schlimm, denn wirkliche Leser habe ich eh nicht. Ich hatte mal eine Leserin, aber leider weiß ich nicht, was aus ihr geworden ist.

Hey Engelchen, wie geht es dir heute? Bist du mit allem, was du machst, glücklich? Ich hoffe es sehr für dich! Ich habe dir ein paar mal geschrieben, auf deinen Blog, aber eine Antwort kam nicht, also...naja ich hoffe, es geht dir gut.

Ever since i returned from my amazing trip to Australia, i am desperately searching for something to do, like, literally. Seems though, as if no school in germany wants me or has room for another little student, such as i am. Still, i keep myself somewhat occupied. I learned a lot in OZ, and i am really proud to say that i actually started to do some sports. Seriously. I do run every second day and I exercise at least twice a week. I lost some weight, and it feels very very good. Sure, i´ll keep doing, i am still far away from the "perfect body". But its not just about having a great body. I feel so much better, i am in shape and my selfconsciousness is expanding more and more. Yaay.

Alas, what else. My mum needs to be very strong this upcoming monday, its the day of her surgery. She´s got cancer. I am scared and its freakin me out that i can do nothing for her but do the "all-is-going-to-be-good"-talking. Gosh i hate that.

Really, i want to leave. I want to say goodbye to this place, i want to say goodbye to germany. I want to see the world, i want to meet all these beautiful people, i want to fall in love over and over again, i am desperate for some challenges. But i can´t have that, at least not yet. So i´ll just lean back, do a joint or two, and keep calm. Lieing to myself that it´s all going to happen some day.

Haah, the bliss of such a wonderful lie.

Oh, and Franzi, by any chance, if you read this, i´m sure you don´t want any contact with me, nor do you want me in any possible way in your life, but i guess after all we used to be very´close and best friends. So, maybe if you can think about this twice, and give me some sort of a sign...just so i know you´re ok and stuff. Please. I am on facebook, i am sure you may guess my nickname, its same as the name of my old blue-haired friend that we used to hang out with

Please contact me.

21.2.11 20:12


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